I hate the quite .. most people find it relaxing and soothing .. but I hate it. I don't know if it is the fact that I have slept barely at at all the past two neighs or what it is.. but I am really angry .. I don't know why and its is bothering me.. I don't like feeling angry even when there is a reason - but when there is not - and these feelings of rage fly up from no where - it scares me....
Writing right now is saving me .... because what I really want to do is hit something until I bleed -because it would hurt but at the same time feel really really good ... arg! - how does that work !?! The war inside me is raging and it feels like I am being ripped apart! and I hate it!
I know in my head that everything I am feeling are lies ... but that still does not stop the pain.. the ripping that I would give anything to stop....
God please take this pain away .....
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I just talked to you and you mentioned none of this... I am a little shocked, but mostly sorry you are dealing with this and I guess I didn't even ask.. I will be praying for you. That your rage will subside and that you will read your Bible and seek God in the midst of it. Find the source so you can get it at the root and kill it in you. That's the only way. And God, who knows all things will be there with you...
.... i guess i am still used to masking it -- i didn't even think yo tell you .... thanks for the prayer friend - it helps
I just hope i can sleep tonight
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