My head is swimming right now ....
I don't get it !
Why does everything fall on me ?
And for the love of all that is good and holy WHY OH IS IT A GUILT TRIP!
Now every time I talk to my mother -- she wants to know when I am coming home !
the truth I don't know yet - I have an idea but it isn't in stone! and in all honesty
I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME!
home scares me - I don't want to walk on egg shells! scared that if I breath wrong I am going to be told what a pathetic loser I am !
told that I will go no where with the degree of nothing I have and why the heel did I go to school for a degree that - will get me very little money for ... because oh I forgot that is what it's all about - MY BAD !
but now her big thing is " think of your grandparents -- you have to come home to see them ! they will most likely not live much longer .."
funny thing is I am the only one who gets that line - I am not stupid I know they are old I know they will die. but if I am gone and they do what am i going to do !
I love them I do! but PLEASE PLEASE don't use them as freaking bargaining chips !
~Man i could really use a drink right now!
I really want to email my mom and tell her I am not coming home- I mean if SHE HAS TO SEE ME ... then get in a freakjing plane and COME AND SEE ME ! -- oh wait I forgot ... that will make her life be put on hold !! *gasp* she made it very clear that I was not to come home to stay because she WASNT looking after me !
well guess what - manitoba is where I grew up -=yes - but never again will it be my home !
I hate GUILT trips - they are a real waste of time!
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2 comments:
Your mother's view is just so twisted and obscure! It is God's will whether or not you go home and when. He knows the day and month or if you are going at all. If you don't want to go home- maybe you shouldn't... But examine your heart. B/c your grandparents could very well not be here when you return (again, only God knows, and has full control, might I add) and He will decide if they will be or not. On another note, if they both die while you're away, your mom probably won't let you forget it. She may rub it in for years to come, and that is something to take into consideration b/c you can;t change the way she is.
Perhaps a better thing to pray for would be for God's direction and soveriegn will to shine and be known to you. ...Just a thought
Your mother has no right to guilt trip you into being there, but she probably doesn't see much wrong with it. *(shaking head)* You need to find inside yourself what your true motivation is. Do you really want to see your grandparents, etc (I'm sure some part of you is missing people and things there) and will you try to remain sane with your mother (I know- a VERY hard thing to do), so to find out if you truly do not want to go back for good reasons. If it is just a defense b/c you don't want it to be hard, then I'm afraid that's more fear talking than anything and you're just copping out from something that could be potentially good, but if you honestly see no possible good in it (after looking at it objectively and in an optimistic way), then perhaps that's your answer. You can always talk to your grandparents on the phone or maybe net. Often in fact. It doesn't necessarily require a visit.... But these are again just thoughts. I'll pray for you as you seek these things.
thanks my fiend
your wisdom is always much appreciated
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