I really hope crazy is not in my DNA

Ok so it has been a few weeks since I have written anything .. this is an Update / rant (viewer discretion is advised)

So after moving into the basement of the house I will be here for the next year - I went on the Job hunt - I live 5 minutes away from an IGA so I started there - and 2 hours after I droped a resume off they called and the next day I was hired after a 10 MINIUTE intervew - I got full time work ) So naturaly I wanted to give everything i had - however after one shift and a handful of hours of crappy training .. I relized I could not clean the massive chicken rotiseray ( so after going to my boss - she told me if I could not do it - don't try .... she knew I had a disiblitay I told her and still that was her responce.... So i said thanks anyway - and went to walmart ... where now I am a greeter making 10. 25 /hour ... .so in short SCREW YOU IGA!

In other news my my mother is crazy !... ok well that is old news - but still the wonds open again and again - with out a chance to heal .... time and time again - she freakes out over the littlest things - making me this horrible person unable to make desent destions about my life at the age of 24 .... I can't belive how little it takes to set her off - My grandma is doing the same thing ... oh I hope Crazy is not in my DNA....

I am loved by God and the friends /"famliy" I have here Love me for me they see me for me - screw up /product of my upbringing and all ....

I just want to break the cycle - of darkness ...... I want to be different I wish mom could learn to see it .....

A simple way to look at things....

It is amazing what random but insightful things can come out of people late at night..

Here is what I mean ...

Tori-ism: being at the center of God's will is the most dangerous and safe place you can be. God has it planned all along. If you live, He had it planned, you keep getting to do His will. If you die, party at His place!

The truth is in the middle- In the quite - I'm learning to be still..

*Tori-ism- random things said by Victoria !*

a new day ...

"I don't know what to do" This has been the stamnent that has been running though my head all night. ( well since 5:30) this afternoon .... the reason ... I got my second rejection notice for my UK visa ( the first appeal i did in June - still isn't back yet ..)

I got home tonight and really honestly did not know what to think - or what to do - nether did my friends .. they where as blown away as i was ....

So after a good cry and a small pity party - that included an apprentice from greesy KFC- I took a deep breath- ready to start again - I have been looking into cross world /Ywam - I am not sure what or when to tell Oasis...

As much as I am lost and not very fond of the unknown (or the UK governemt/World bridge) for that matter - again I am reminded that God is in control .... My sea is getting a little wild - I am just waiting on Jesus to speak and calm it down ....

Until then I wait - learn -and lisen ... because S**T happands - I just need to reemember to flush ...

And still I am learning ....

So I am in Alberta .. it is a far cry from where I thought i would be 21 days ago to say the least. But as I sit here typing this I am blown away at what i had learned tonight... here let me explan :

I am staying with my friends (one of whom is a pastor) I have known them both for quite some time and they have both helped me out already in so many countless ways its crazy !.... Anyway he and I started talking tonight about things that have happened in the last 21 days. We have both come to the realization that we put so much stock in what our circumstances are that when they flop we are angered and frustrated. Don't get me wrong when all of this suff went down i was sad and frustrated, but I am also learning that EVERYTHING happands for a reason... not sure what but it does - there are no fluks!

My heart hurts for of the Lost youth in the UK and I long to go over and see and be a part of God at work over there... but if it doesn't happan now then The Lord wants me somewere else, doing something else -- and I am learning that that is Ok and that I am not in control .....

Only He who created me is - in Control - Only He...

If you Haven't already .. you really really should ....

hey all
So I have stumbled upon - while at home for last week a fan little thing called "Dr Horrible's sing a-long Blog" It is done by Joss whedon (Buffy, firefly...ect) , and has Nathan Fillion ( firefly) and Neil Patrick Harris ( How I met your Mother, as well as Doogie Howser)

You can find it it on youtube there are 3 acts ! do ya ....If you Haven't already .. you really really should ....



anyway thats all from here ...

hicups ....

Not many people can say that they have been across the ocean in one day... well I have...
I got to the Uk border after a day and night of flying and they said "umm you need a visa " i then said that everywhere I looked looked said i could stay in the country for up to 6 months - but apparently that has changed and now i need a visa to do anything there ... so after 3 hours with imagrations they put me on a plane and sent me home .... however they told me what visa to apply for when i get home ....

So now I am home - working an application for a workimg/holday visa - hoping to be back over there - in a month - those of you who read this please pray it will all work out

thanks

Fathers.....

Are they not supposed to love their children ? .... I guess not ... At least not My father .....
You know I am only leaving for a year - across the World !
But it is like pulling to see my father ....
I really shouldn't feel so pissed ... but I am .. I really am ...

I would like to have a daddy ... but that will NEVER HAPPEN ..... so why do i care so fraking much!