it has been a while - crazy start to 2008

ok so I have yet to fall of the face of the planet, I swear! However 2008 started off a very interesting year.

It started with my bus ride out here. Everything went ok on the first leg of the tip. (until we arrived at Brandon for lunch. It was there that we found out that the bus we came in on was broken and that we would have to take a different bus to Regina. We where held up for an hour and a half. The bus we ended up in was half the size as the gray hound bus we started in- so needless to say it was a cramped 6 hour ride. It was in these 6 hours that i met... let us call him crazy Steve... now crazy Steve- so i was told was a diamond miner from bc. All he did was talk! and when he wasn't talking he was sleeping which meant he was half leaning on me ! let's just say i was happy to get to Regina and away from him for the last leg of the trip !

Once I got back to the port Drake and Carman met me at the bus stop and took me back to their place for the first week of mod (thanks guys for a great week) My mod was very interesting. as well as extremely laid back! so nice haha :)

Right after our mod's ended- classes started. I have decided to sit in on a class on the Gospel of John to fill some of the stupid amount of free time i have on my hand this term. It is a very odd feeling knowing you are in your last term of school- it is starting to all hit home - This past Monday i got my grad pictures done - it's all really odd.....

Oh the weekend I went to Regina and hit best buy to pick up my new wireless keyboard ( thanks kev for the help) - and had sweet day out with the girls:)

It was also this weekend that a young girl that often came to Joe's place passed away .. from an illness she had been fighting for years. So today i was at her funeral for most of the afternoon-- it was a wonderful celebration of her life - yet a big reminder that our life here on earth is so very short...

So as you can see it has been a crazy start to 2008 !
I will update again soon - right now i need to go watch more heroes !
Take care!

end of 2007

So it is the 31st today and in 6 hours and 15 mins 2007 will be over and 2008 will begin. This year will bring many changes to everyone I'm sure. It is exciting - the start of a new year. It is truly a time to start again and try to have the best year that we possibly can.

As for me I am waiting for my ride to go spend this New Year's eve in the city with my friends. On the 2ed I will be once again on the bus back to school. crazy !

This Christmas has truly been an answer to prayer! I was home for 14 days and there havn't been any fights- no yelling- screaming no tears ! It is truly amazing! There where times that could have exploded-but right when mom could have opened up on me - SHE WALKED AWAY! this has not haven't in years ....

Anyway thats it for me hope everyone has an amazing New Years !
talk to you all next year !

One more Semester closer ......

Today all my class assignments are finished. I have 3 days of classes left, but all my homework is done. This shouldn't be strange , I mean I have done.. lets see.... this will be my 11th semester here at school;but this time it is weird. Weird because in 4.5 months I will be done (Lord Willing) finished with a piece of paper in my hand I have paid 60,000 $ for. stating that I have earned a B.A degree !

Where i go from here is still yet to be determined. I have sent my application in to Frontline Uk - so now all I can do is wait and see how the interview goes. If it goes well - I will be in London England from May to October. This is Crazy - Crazy because I am doing this, crazy because it is starting to look more and more like reality.

Strange the twists life takes some times.

Oh! Last thing I almost forgot! This weekend started of in a great way. I got my Advanced worldview Paper back - the class average as 18/30 which translates to 63% I got a 20.6 /30 ! I am above the class average! Yes i know it's not that high -however a 69-70% for Dr From - is like an A in any other class. hahaha I thought he would have given me a 'pity 50' -so when I saw that I was in shock - It was an AWESOME FEELING!

Oh crap! it's 230 am i need to go to bed .... night guys !

It has been a while .... and a lot has happened since my post from home.

It is interesting how God works. right when you think... gaaa life is crazy and i am sick and tried of it. He throws a curve at you and you realize ... how very small you are and how much He Love's us! it is crazy thought ..but I love it :)

In other news apparently Quarry Park interpretive center burnt down last night! This is unbelievable and in many ways sad .. as pretty much all of the towns history was in that building. It is crazy to think it is all gone ....

anyway there is nothing else new on this end ...

tell next time ...

I hate red wine....

I hate it ! It makes people {mom} really drunk really fast ... then she runs her face and i can ignore it for .. so long then the frustration hits red and I react .. i don't want to but do and every time i hate myself after I do. It's what she wants - I have played right into her hand.. and I hate myself for it ...

Same with coming home. Why do I do it to myself ? because every time i do this happands! I know it will happen - yet inside I hope and pray and wish it will be different.. just once.. one visit and no mind games. It is almost if she does this because I am home I mean when i talk to her on the phone she rejoices over the fact that she only drinks once in a while and that she has cut back on the red wine.. yet it has been running nonstop since i have been home. It is almost as if she says and does these things to see how far she can push me until i snap and she has a reason to kick me out!

I hate this one breath she says I am worthless and can do nothing and in the next she says I am all she has ! Her and her new "F' the world attitude is getting old - she can only play the 'victim' card for so long!

Arg! this is so frustrating ! I need to tell her about this england thing This Week and I want her support , I would love her blessing - but I am petrified that she will think is retarded.. I know i am 23 and I have every right in the world to tell her to shove off because it is my life but I am scared she is going to guilt me .. thereby causing me to doubt - in my self and in what God has planned me me .......... DANG IT I DON'T WANT TO DOUBT - I AM SICK OF LOOKING AT EVERY ANGLE! - I JUST WANT TO JUMP!

i just want to jump - why can't she just get that- and let me go ....... why do I hope in something that is never going to be true ?

Today my Brain went 'Pop'

and it is only the 8th class in the semester! My day {or afternoon started with my Advanced Christian World-view class. In this class everything i have learned in the past 5 years here in regards to how to approach Youth ministry was challenged. Let me explain...

In the early beginnings of society everything that was learned in regards to morals, values and beliefs were instituted in us through the family. However since the family structure has changed so much this to had to change. The idea of schools changed this practice, offering different types of lessons in regard to growth and life skills. So to then did the church. Everything now is programs, programs, programs, a youth ministry does not function without programs for this, that or the other thing. Christians of today have seen the family unit and said 'wow they are lacking in these areas- we can make a program and help them with this problem. But in reality the idea is to help the family as a whole not just a part of it. The use of a programs in effect has weakened the family instead of making it stronger, because the family as a whole is not helped and lead as well they are unable to contribute in the spiritual lives of their kids. Instead they drop their kid off at youth group because this 'program' will help you- it is not my problem.... So the question is then if we as Christians , confessed believers of the Word of the Lord, do not understand the idea of helping the family unit as a whole - as God calls us to; where then do we get off creating program after program in the name of youth and family ministry?

As my head spun from that class I then ran to my Classics of Spiritual literature class where we talked about the Grace of God. Holy man ... Grace and mercy are completely different now then they where when I walked in. I am not sure how to exactly write what I mean so I will say this. When we read 'By grace we have been saved..' it seems so easy to grasp but in reality it is way deeper and crazier to comprehend... all I can think of to describe it is that we are crazy lucky to have a God that loves us the way he does.. because in our human nature we can not bare to see the glory of God yet the grace Of God .. allows it to, if only but a little of what it truly is....

I am sorry if this is confusing to follow but it was a crazy day .. you see why my Brain went "Pop"?

Today I have a piain in my Heart....

Today {Oct 02} is a tough day. Today is the 7th year since my brother passed away. My heart aches and every year it comes back and more then ever I realize that there was a time that I was not an only child. How quickly life can change. I wish that I did more with him , and above all I wish that I would have said I love you. I mean he knew I did but I wish I could have said it more. Life is short, none of use know when our time here is over. -- it is for this reason we should not take a single second we have for granted. Although I have learned this lesson the heard way - I still find myself getting 'comfortable' and missing out on what is around me.. This is something I struggle everyday to stop.

My heart is also torn as to what I am supposed to do with my life, this is my last 'year' at briercrest, in April I hope to graduate. Then the path gets dark and the light goes out and I find myself lost and unsure what to do and where to go. I have been thinking about going into web design as many of you know, however I am not sure what I could do with that. I am also being pulled more and more in the direction of something over seas... I think... I want so badly to go to England and work with the youth there, The question is however what would I do over there and how would I get there. These are big questions that are ripping at my heart! I know I know you are reading this and saying 'whoo slow down , finish one thing at a time' believe me that is what my mind is screaming at me.. But I can't. I can't stop thinking about it.

A friend from crossworld mission is back for 2 days, she has talked to me for years about opportunities in England and telling crazy stories of what God is doing over there This makes me want to go more ! Then reality sets in {in the form of my mother} and I start to think it will never happen and I get discouraged because once again I have no idea what I am supposed to do with this life God has giving me. There must be a reason for everything I have experienced .. there has to be....

... wow I don't know where these crazy deep-esk posts come from at 2 am - I really don't........