Mountain Tops and Valleys ....

What do you think of when you think of mountain tops and valleys? Imagine it for a second. When I think of them, I see clear blue sky- fresh air and a view as far as the eye can see. The valley’s however are deep and dark, and although at times could be peaceful are often not.

In my life- I have had amazing times on the mountain tops as well as my share of times in the valley. Everything is going amazing, life is awesome – then all of a sudden you step on a loose stone, and down you tumble back to the valley – you have worked so hard to get away from. At first it is disheartening as you look around realizing you are back at square one – and in front of you is the mountain. The summit so far away- it feels like it will be forever until you can reach it again. Eventually we all must get up, dust the dirt off and begin to start our journey. It may be a slow process but we are not meant to stay in the valleys forever.

Those of you that know me, have just read those two paragraphs, and are no doubtable wondering where this is coming from. Well keep reading and I hope you will get a better picture.

For the last nine years, most people would have considered me ridiculously negative. To me however.. the world was falling apart , and let’s face it reality sucked – everywhere you looked something was going on. I became very cynical to the world around me, and thought I did well at keeping it hidden. But like all things, it was seeping out of me and I had no idea. To me - I was on that summit fresh air in my face, blue sky around me. Life was good.

Then I was hit by a rock I had no idea was coming. I had met someone as blunt and straight to the point as I was. At that point I had known her for all of two months, but what she said to me that day hit home and made me stop and think. “ you know you are really really negative, like all the time’ This was the first time, someone saying that had ever gotten through.. I mean I had heard it before, but I brushed it off and thought nothing of it. I had come crashing down hard, back to this valley that – I thought I wound never see again.. I remember it clear as day – I looked up and said.. “ umm thanks .. but I have been like this for as long as I can remember- how can I change it?” She smiled and thus my visit in the valley was extremely short lived.

I was excited at this idea of change – but at the same time had this feeling that it was not going to be easy – nor was it going to be made easy for me. The first of many ‘assignments’ given to me- was to write down 5 things I liked about myself… easy right? – nope it was the hardest thing I had to do in a very long time ! -- not only did I have to write them down – so I had to see them… she wanted to see them to .. Let me tell you I sat for a long time that night trying to find 5 little things I liked about myself .. I also leant right quick that excuses were not going to fly.. I put a question mark beside an answer I gave.. said I wasn’t sure if I did it right.. I was told to come up with 5 more answers … every time I would take a challenge and give a reason why I couldn’t do it – it was shot down with a response I could not for the life of me ague with. It frustrated me to no end – only because I am sickly stubborn and I knew she was right. On the other side of it though it was awesome! – someone was finally pushing me to do and try things I never would have dreamed. For that I am and will forever be thankful for.

My fear of failure is still there – but this is the next thing I intend to beat off of me, It sounds little – but to learn and grasp the idea that to fail is ok, That it is really the only real way try new things. Is something I have been crippled by for a very very long time. This needs to stop and I am excited to see the outcome – when it does.

At the end of this long ramble – I can say this- I have been in my share of valleys – in the past 8 months. And by no means did I enjoy myself, however I can see now the reason for them. It is said that as mach as we would like to change the past we can’t. The only thing we can do is look back on it and see our mistakes and do our best to learn from them , and do better the next time.

So as I once again start my way back up that mountain – I can only hope that as I look back I will see my mistakes and do my best not to repeat them.