I really hope crazy is not in my DNA

Ok so it has been a few weeks since I have written anything .. this is an Update / rant (viewer discretion is advised)

So after moving into the basement of the house I will be here for the next year - I went on the Job hunt - I live 5 minutes away from an IGA so I started there - and 2 hours after I droped a resume off they called and the next day I was hired after a 10 MINIUTE intervew - I got full time work ) So naturaly I wanted to give everything i had - however after one shift and a handful of hours of crappy training .. I relized I could not clean the massive chicken rotiseray ( so after going to my boss - she told me if I could not do it - don't try .... she knew I had a disiblitay I told her and still that was her responce.... So i said thanks anyway - and went to walmart ... where now I am a greeter making 10. 25 /hour ... .so in short SCREW YOU IGA!

In other news my my mother is crazy !... ok well that is old news - but still the wonds open again and again - with out a chance to heal .... time and time again - she freakes out over the littlest things - making me this horrible person unable to make desent destions about my life at the age of 24 .... I can't belive how little it takes to set her off - My grandma is doing the same thing ... oh I hope Crazy is not in my DNA....

I am loved by God and the friends /"famliy" I have here Love me for me they see me for me - screw up /product of my upbringing and all ....

I just want to break the cycle - of darkness ...... I want to be different I wish mom could learn to see it .....

A simple way to look at things....

It is amazing what random but insightful things can come out of people late at night..

Here is what I mean ...

Tori-ism: being at the center of God's will is the most dangerous and safe place you can be. God has it planned all along. If you live, He had it planned, you keep getting to do His will. If you die, party at His place!

The truth is in the middle- In the quite - I'm learning to be still..

*Tori-ism- random things said by Victoria !*

a new day ...

"I don't know what to do" This has been the stamnent that has been running though my head all night. ( well since 5:30) this afternoon .... the reason ... I got my second rejection notice for my UK visa ( the first appeal i did in June - still isn't back yet ..)

I got home tonight and really honestly did not know what to think - or what to do - nether did my friends .. they where as blown away as i was ....

So after a good cry and a small pity party - that included an apprentice from greesy KFC- I took a deep breath- ready to start again - I have been looking into cross world /Ywam - I am not sure what or when to tell Oasis...

As much as I am lost and not very fond of the unknown (or the UK governemt/World bridge) for that matter - again I am reminded that God is in control .... My sea is getting a little wild - I am just waiting on Jesus to speak and calm it down ....

Until then I wait - learn -and lisen ... because S**T happands - I just need to reemember to flush ...