I have done a lot of reflecting the last little while, trying really really heard to see the good parts and small victories in my life. (Most of you who know me - be it a for a couple of years or my whole life , know that this is a tough thing for me to do) and I am not gonna lie it has been a long tough and at times frustrating experence .. but let me tell you it has been worth every bit of it!
Now two things will happen -
1. You are bord stiff and don't care about me and my vitorires and are in the process of shutting you internet window now..
or..
or..
2. You are intrigued and wish to continue reading .. Well in that case - here you go...
Ever since I can remeber I have wanted to do the craziest things.. things that when I asked if I could, was given a flat out no.. or laughed at with a ' you know you can't I mean come on your legs don't work.. so why try if you are going to fail ' attached to it.. so for year's I have smiled and succumbed to the fact that all the 'cool adventure filled stuff of life' would always be a dream for me. So while the 'me' the world saw was just get by - making sure I did my hardest to please those around me .. The 'me' in my head - had/has become this self confedent/ assured kick ass side of me that I have been told could never happen. Until this year ...
As meny of you know I have started this new adventure - or chapter if you will .. of my life with a bang - going from thinking all the exercise I would ever need was walking form point A to B and back again.. to working out 8 times a week... I have received a whole range of reactions to this sudden change .. from ' Wow your crazy,, to You inspire me.. and even some 'Your obsessed - where and what are your priorities...' The first two I laugh at and smile at, encouraging those who think they can't that they in fact can ( i mean if I can then you have no excuse) .. the last one however has been bugging me and I feel the urge to explain away...( so this being my blog I'm going to .. so there ;-P)...
It's hard to explain to people what it's like to have the lower half of your body - rebel against you on a regular bases , to spend more time on your face in public then you do standing... to not be given the chance because 'you are different' .. unless it has happened to you -- you will never understand .. Doing things (or at least trying...) that are 'normal' to everyone else has always been a dream of mine.. So when I was given the chance to do these 'normal' things with people that were willing to make it work and at times have been excited for me has been a blast. Let me give you an example most of you can jump right ? Well I could never without falling over -- so when that random day happened that I jumped and stayed upright.. I cried .... this simple action is something I had watched everyone around me do my whole life -- and now I was one of them! -- Same thing goes with the ever dreaded burpee... I would watch my friends and other 'classmates' all around me fall and spring back up again - only wishing 'man I would give anything to do that' - well 8 months after I 'jumped' I can do a burpee! - I now can do something I never thought was possible ... at the end of the day .. for 8 hours a week .. I am as 'normal' as it gets - no ones see's my disability - nor Do they care - and if I fall they laugh, ask if I.m ok and help me up. For 8 hours a week - there are no double standards - if I 'm to slow - I'm told to go faster- if I'm coping out I get called out..For 8 hours a week I am just like everyone else.. it's awesome :)
But working has also lead to some other awesome adventures.. One of the biggest ones.. my anger does not control me anymore - sure- do I still get angry; yes ..but now it's justified.. Now it has a reason, and trust me 'happy me' is way better then pissed I want to throw my fist through a wall me .. just saying...
It has also given me a lot more confidence in myself..*disclamer if this next part kills you .. it's so not my fault* ready?!
I am getting used to and kinda liking wearing stuff that makes me look like a girl... (dresses will never happen.. however and I still enjoy feeling comfy) but I like stuff thats fitted now.. I like the way i look it them! I'm a little late to the game but it.s true.. :) see here is proof!
So it has been an amazing year.. filled will experiences and adventures that I will never forget! I can't wait to see what things I will be able to do in the months to come! for all of you who have been a big part in helping me crawl out of my little protective shell thank you! Do me a favour though -- if I get the urge to crawl back in... kick my butt and tell me I can't.. Because the 'me inside my head -- she.s coming out to stay one of these days and I can't wait!
